"A psychiatrist showed me a picture of a D#$k."- Sakshi Joshi

 

I always thought I was straight, not into girls at all until I met Maddy and realized that I felt something that I’ve never felt before. I was 16 when I met Maddy, I had an instant bond with her. She was very sweet to me and I really enjoyed her company.

Back then I had no clue about the LGBTQIA+ community but when I started to feel all these new and different feelings, I started questioning my identity which I wasn’t sure of anymore. I started having some feelings for Maddy which I couldn’t understand. I fell in love with her nature and how she is always there for everyone. I came out to Maddy almost 6 months after I met her. Gradually our friendship turned into something more. 

I came out to my parents after 3-4 stressful months of discovering and analyzing my sexuality, my preferences. At first, being Orthodox parents they weren't happy. They were taken aback and as most orthodox parents they also told me that it's a "phase". They were angry and upset due to ‘Societal norms’ but are happy for me now as I am happier than before when I used to feel lonely and depressed. They are happy for my happiness but are still not ready to accept the fact that their child is a lesbian. My Parents love Maddy as a person but when it comes to our relationship it’s kind of awkward as they haven’t accepted us completely. 

I don’t want to give a message to the ‘youth’ as I think the youth is knowledgeable and aware enough about the community but I am concerned about the norms of the society. I visited 7 psychologists/psychiatrists who tried to “cure me”, convince me that I can be attracted to boys by showing me dick pictures. One even asked me that if I love a person of the same gender how will we satisfy each other’s needs! I know the youth like me might be thinking all this is so ridiculous and absurd that some doctors even after being so educated are so homophobic and believe in conversion therapy which is illegal in many countries. That's why my message to these people is that, If I say that I'm into girls that don't mean that I don't even have male friends, it depends on a person's thinking, their preference, their own choices. Forcing a child to take medicines, to do conversion therapies, etc is unacceptable. When even the highly educated doctors try to make them believe that it's a disease that needs to be cured, even the parents start treating u differently. 

Coming out isn't that's easy it needs courage because of this orthodox mentality of such people, these social norms. Everybody treats you differently. Not a single scenario in ur life is the same as before. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting for a person. Being judged, not being accepted the way they are, and attempts to change them puts the child under so much Pressure leaving them with a feeling of nothingness causes a loss that is unrepairable in some ways. Instead what they need is to be understood, to feel safe and supported, to feel respected by the people around them, whom they care about. That's the least we can do to make our environment safe and comfortable for everyone.

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